Serenity?

I am sitting here at my desk and it is almost 9pm, which is about half an hour past my bedtime these days.  But despite my tiredness, I just had to share with you my little story of this evenings events.  We will title this little drama - "The mom, the bath, and the 6yr old".  Now you might be thinking that it is about a mom trying to give a 6yr old a bath; WRONG!

It is about a weary mama who has been working extremely hard at trying to get this house organized and cleaned, who decided that she would like to take a hot bubble bath this evening and have some alone time.  I know, what was I thinking!

I have spent the last two days cleaning out my garage, I am still not done but didn't get as far as I thought I would today because I believe I have given myself a hernia.  Seriously, I have a pain right below my belly button.  So I called it quits and walked back into the house with a forced smile on my face and quickly shoved the dogs off the couch and laid down to see if said pain would subside. It really hasn't and after awhile I did confess to my husband that I think I have pulled a muscle or possibly given myself a hernia and mumbled something to the extent of "While moving the full-size refrigerator in the garage by myself".  The look on his face was a mixture of "I'm sorry your hurting" and "You were doing what by yourself?".

Anyways, after I made it through dinner, I decided to try and take a relaxing bath and have some quiet time.  I honestly don't remember the last time I took a bath, probably at least 6 years ago and that would be if you count sitting in a few inches of hot water while very pregnant trying to ease the hemorrhoids.  Sorry, but I must speak the truth, you read this at your own risk.

I started the bath, put in my new bubble bath that I got for Christmas from my 6yr old, applied a great facial and slowly climbed in. Ahhh Serenity!!! I had my eyes closed for maybe a minute when this odd feeling came over me. I slowly opened one eye and realized that I was not alone.  How can this be? I specifically announced to the entire family, dogs included that I was going to go take a quiet bath and have some alone time and try to figure out if I had in fact given myself a hernia.

I look over to the side of the tub and there sits the 6yr old, with her bangs in her eyes, wearing the nightgown that she had put on at 4 o'clock this afternoon because she decided that she wasn't going to leave the house again and therefore it was a good idea. "Hi Mama" she said with a huge smile on her face, "Are you enjoying your quiet and alone bath?"

I smiled and gently reminded her that I wasn't alone if she was in there with me.  Her reply was "But I love my mama" now some of you rookies may think that those little words would melt my heart, not!  This was a total manipulation move on her part and both of us knew it.  The little twinkle in her eye was the dead giveaway, now before you think that I am ruthless, I know that she loves her mama and she knows that I know she loves her mama and we both know that this is the statement that she makes when she doesn't want to obey!  I gave her the look and pointed towards the exit and she pushed out her lower lip and headed for the door.

About 5 minutes later, I am trying to relax in the now warm water when I hear the door open and hear something crawling along the floor.  Yes, the 6yr old trying to be sneaky.  I lift my head so that I can see her and she looks up and says "I love you mama".  I take a deep breath and again try to explain to her that I need sometime alone.  By the time I am done explaining this fact she has made her way into the tub (well, at least her feet).  I then realize that the water is now tepid at best, there are no longer any bubbles remaining and we both can see all my fat rolls under water and I am pretty much convinced that I do have a hernia. This is when Daddy walks in and looks at me with sympathetic eyes and I shake my head to scolding he would have delivered and say "Never mind, it's not going to happen"

I am not mad or even really frustrated, that goes to show how far I have come in my quest for peace, in fact, as I am sitting here typing this out I have a smile on my face.  Even if I don't get that alone time very often I do have serenity in my spirit.  Now, who do I see about hernias?

Christmas

I am very much in the Christmas cheer mode right now.  I am realizing that all these steps that I have been taking - stepping back, seeking wisdom, taking time to be with the Lord, prioritizing my life, all these things are helping me to have an attitude of peace in my life.

Last year, I seriously dreaded this month.  But I realize now that it was because I was so focused on the negative stuff in my life - what we couldn't afford, what I wasn't getting done, who was irritating me the most :) etcetera etcetera.

I am definitely in a better place emotionally this year and I can be totally honest with you when I say - not much has changed since last year other than my attitude.  We are in the same place financially, same busyness (just a little bit different in tasks), and yes, some people still do irritate me :) etcetera etcetera.

But my attitude is a positive one - instead of focusing on what we can't afford, I am seeing what we can do; instead of being overwhelmed and frustrated, I am prioritizing and deciding what really needs to get accomplished (don't count on any Christmas cards going out!); instead of being irritated with others, the Lord is really giving me the spirit of love in my heart and reminding me that we are all God's children and need to treat each other that way, even if someone isn't treating me the way I want to be treated, I need to treat them the way God wants me to treat them.

It really makes a difference when we make these changes in our attitudes and refocus on what this season is really about.  Merry Christmas

Wisdom

I am on a quest, a little adventure so to speak.  I am in search of a great treasure that has been give to me but apparently I buried it somewhere in the midst of life.  I think it is located somewhere between trying to please others, worry, busyness and the laundry.

I am in search of Wisdom.  I have recently accepted the fact, that for me wisdom has been a fluke.  I understand a lot of things and I love to learn about a lot of things so I have knowledge.  But I had yet to grasp the concept of wisdom in my life.  I have realized this because the Lord told me so one day, that I need to stop taking other people's thoughts and using them for my own.  I need to give myself time on a daily basis to think and use this brain that God has so graciously given me and use it for myself.  He has so much to tell me and show me and teach me and yet I still put that time on the back burner.

I realized that I have been relying on others to satisfy this craving I have to be noticed and appreciated.  I use other peoples opinions or advice to help me make up my mind about what I believe instead of taking it before the throne. 

Nobody else has my children, my home, my life.  So why do I rely on others to tell me how to live it.  Granted you can learn things from others, especially those who have achieved wisdom, but that wisdom is something to ponder and pray about not just take for truth because someone said it.  We have to dwell on it and make sure that it is truth to us because God has given us the wisdom to believe it and hide it in our hearts. The Bible warns us not to be mislead or deceived, well the only way to do this is by letting the Holy Spirit lead us into what is truth.  I am not saying to question everything that is said to you but I do say that we need to pray about everything and if it is false then that will be revealed and if it is truth it will stay with you because you will have wisdom.

This may be confusing, I have been dealing with this topic for a couple of weeks now and I really wasn't sure how to write about it.  But I think a good example would be my walk with Christ.

I became a Christian was I was a child, but I really didn't understand what it meant for me.  My parents had spoken to me about it, I attended church every week, VBS in the summer, and I knew I should do it.  But I really didn't understand why until much later in life.  Now I think that it was ok that I accepted Christ this way, but I also realized that I needed to understand the "Why" before I could go past a certain point in my spiritual life.  I needed to develop the wisdom as to the importance of being a Christian and what it really meant to me, individually, not just why other people believed it and I agreed with it and that it was the right thing for me to do. 

I also think about my kids, and when I tell my 6 yr old something and get "why" and so many times I want to just say "because I said so" but I realize that sometimes she needs an explanation so that she can understand in her heart why she needs to do something or not do something.  We don't have a "because I said so" God, we have a God who wants an intimate relationship with us and who wants us to have wisdom.  Now sometimes we may not fully understand the "Why" or the response may be "Trust me, I love you and you will someday understand why" but He will explain that it is for our good and He explains that He loves us and wants us to trust Him and He gives us peace.

 I believe that wisdom happens in your mind and your heart.  I also believe that this gift is given to us concerning every aspect of our lives, little or large it doesn't matter.  God wants us to have wisdom, His wisdom, in every issue that we are going through.  The only way we can achieve this is to go before Him and ask for it - to open our minds and hearts to Him and not just others.  He may use others to help but in the end wisdom will come from Him.

I Choose Joy

The Lord is showing me so much these days that it makes me feel sad that I have wasted so much time in the past worrying, frustrated, overwhelmed etc.  Some of the lessons I'm learning are: to not allow myself to get overwhelmed, to forgive quickly, to not take on other people's offenses and most importantly - to choose joy.

Choosing joy was probably the hardest because it is the result of doing all those other things.  I am learning that instead of allowing our emotions and situations to control us we have a choice as to how we will react.  I can honestly say that I am learning how to choose joy.  James 1:2 talks about considering all our trials as opportunities for great joy.  We have a choice whether we are going to allow other people to irritate us, we have a choice about whether or not we are going to forgive or ask for forgiveness for a wrong we committed, we have a choice about whether or not we are going to say "no" to prevent getting too busy.  I have been learning the steps needed to have joy in my life and low and behold in order to have joy you also must have - Love, Peace, Grace and Mercy.  It is a package deal!

I have to admit that even though this last month or so has been very hectic I have probably had the most Joy in my life than I have ever had before.  I look at out situation daily and am very thankful for the blessings God has bestowed upon us.  I am very blessed to have my family, my friends, my job, my home.  I am learning that other people's reactions are not my responsibility, that other people's wants are not my responsibility and that if I have wronged someone I need to ask for forgiveness and move on, whether or not they give me forgiveness isn't my problem.   God will show me what He wants me to do and if it isn't what others want me to do that is ok. It is my life and I'm not going to waste it anymore with negative thoughts and emotions.

Joyfully Yours
Lisa

My Sanctuary

There is a little spot at our home that I absolutely love - but I never go there.  Not because it isn't easily accessible or far away. But because I am always to busy.  The Lord really spoke to me this last week about being to busy and not giving Him and myself quality time together.  So this weekend I claimed this little spot as my sanctuary.  I am determined to go there each day at some point with my Bible and read His word and just sit in His presence.
Here is my sanctuary - it is actually my front porch, although it is never used because everyone uses the side entrance off the kitchen. 

My little corner of the world

complete with wildly overgrown roses

and wildly rambunctious dogs - I know, they look calm here (it's a trick)



Something else the Lord has been showing me is this:

  I have been doing a leadership training course and in the last lesson (yes, LAST lesson, I have actually completed something) the instructor talked about how as a society and individuals, we are lacking in the "Thinking" area.  Not that we don't think but we have lost a form of thinking - when was the last time you just sat somewhere and where thinking, not looking info up on the computer, or asking a friend for advice, looking something up in a book; but just thinking about your situation and see if you can come up with a solution or a process for a solution.  I had forgotten how God has told us that He will give us the answers that we need  Matthew 7:8  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.  I need to spend more time thinking in His presence instead of searching elsewhere for the answers that I need.  I need a clearer mind for dealing with daily issues and to be able to focus on my daily tasks.
Wisdom is one of the greatest attributes we can possess, Solomon asked for wisdom when the Lord spoke to him and offered to give him whatever he wanted.  Proverbs 8:12 says "I Wisdom, live together with good judgement. I know where to discover knowledge and discernment."

We won't posses wisdom if we don't commune with God and use our brains in the way in which He created them.  I'm always telling my girls to "stop & think" but really how often do I do that myself these days.  Or I think to much about things that I can't do anything about instead of "Thinking before the Lord".

Happy Thinking!

Pastor Appreciation

As a "Preacher's Kid" and someone who is also going into ministry myself, Pastor Appreciation month is one of those times in the year that is bittersweet.  It is all about attitude though and that is something that I need to work on.  Pastor Appreciation is the time of year when people openly and secretly express to their clergy how much these people mean to them.  It is a wonderful thing to hear how much you have touched someone through your calling in life.  However, it is hard to ignore when others say nothing - it isn't so much about getting recognition and being thanked (that would be prideful, right!) but more so about whether or not your hard work is making any kind of difference in someones spiritual life to the point that they would acknowledge this work.

It's not about gifts and cards, it's about knowing that these children of God, who He has brought to you, also feel that God brought you to them.  It's not about "Thank Yous" as much as it is about knowing in your heart that these very precious people that you pray for everyday are also praying for you.

A very good friend of mine shared with me this letter that she found from Focus on the Family and it made me cry and we will be reading it in church on Sunday, here it is:

Why Honor Pastors?

Why is it appropriate to set aside a special time each year to give recognition and affirmation to our clergy and their families? How are their needs and circumstances different from those of carpenters, grocers or dentists? One distinction lies in the nature of the service these leaders provide. God has entrusted to them one of the most precious of assignments—the spiritual well-being of His flock. When a pastor becomes ineffective, the very souls of his or her parishioners are endangered. When eternity is in the balance, we should all be concerned.
Another problem lies in the expectations placed on pastors. Numerous surveys have found that a very high percentage of pastors feel pressure to be the ideal role model of a Christian family—which is impossible, of course. As a result, four out of five pastors feel their families are negatively impacted by unrealistic expectations—whether self-imposed or congregation-imposed—and that ministry is an outright hazard to the health of their families. Indeed, the “pedestal” is not all it’s cracked up to be.
As pastors and their families try to please the God who called them to ministry while also trying to meet the expectations of their congregations, one result is dangerous stress. In fact, 75 percent of those surveyed reported experiencing a significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.
Then, of course, there is the “fishbowl” aspect of ministry, whereby the entire lives of pastoral families seem to be on public display. Every private family situation quickly seems to become a congregational or community issue. This anxiety can only be heightened when financial pressures also come to bear, which is common since pastors typically make substantially less each year than their own board members and deacons. Nearly 70 percent of pastoral spouses work outside the home, most often due to financial need.
No one would choose to live life under these conditions unless they felt obliged to a higher, divine directive. Unfortunately, all too often, these are exactly the conditions under which pastoral families serve.
The good news is that we can make a difference! Clergy Appreciation Month is an attempt to counter the negative erosion in the lives of our spiritual leaders with positive affirmation. Content Provided By Focus on the Family

Thank You Daddy!

Stepping Back

Sometimes in our hectic lives we get so busy that we are on track for a catastrophe in our lives.  Now, when I say catastrophe I mean something terrible that happens to us that we are just thrown into the depths of despair.  One man's/woman's catastrophe may be anther's small trial.  But to the one going through it - it is a catastrophe.  No Judging!!!

I had this happen this week.  I have had it happen in the past and I get my life under control and then without paying attention my life gets crazy and out of control again, and it seems like the only way to get me focused again if for God to allow another catastrophe in my life.

I get so overwhelmed that I don't think straight anymore, I suffer, my husband suffers, my children suffer, etc.  I'm going in ten different directions - somethings I enjoy doing, some I don't, some I am doing because it is my job, others because they need to get done and no one else can or will do them.  Whatever the thing is, I'm doing it because I am a doer and I am good at it - but not all at once.

When I get this way I inevitably do something stupid that sends my world spiraling.  And that happened Friday - I won't go into details (the wound is still fresh) but it caused a horrible weekend and my husband needing to step in and put a stop to all this craziness in my life.  I had to tell people "no" not something I am good at, I had accept my limitations - again, not something I am good at, and I had to re-evaluate what is most important in my life and prioritize those things and walk away from the rest. 

Now I look back and even though I still want to cry about it and I'm sure my husband does too.  I can see that the Lord allowed it, because we needed to deal with some things in our lives.  We have both been overwhelmed lately and we needed to focus on each other a little bit more.  We have had some good ol' shouting matches and some good heart felt discussions since then and we will get past this little episode and move on.  That is how God works sometimes in our lives.

God Bless You
Non-superwoman Lisa